Lee Mears or Lester Piggott?

Not that I'm stereotyping, but you wouldn't say your average front row forward would spend his working week aboard thoroughbred racehorses.

Think about it - Duncan Bell or Tony McCoy; Phil Vickery or Ruby Walsh; Andrew Sheridan or Willie Carson. It really doesn't compute, does it?

So, it was with just a little shock that, on Saturday, whilst negotiating a quagmire in Gloucester, a front row player from the home team gave me an explanation as to his apparent lethargicness.

"I've been up since 5.30 riding out, I'm knackered ref..."

"Excuse me? Riding out? For whom?" I enquired. "I work for Cheltenham Racecourse, so it varies and depends whose horses are stabled at the track..." replied the short, but stocky player.

And so the conversation continued and no, he wasn't winding me up (as if a front rower would ever pull the wool over the referee's eyes).

At around 5ft 6in and, at a guess, 12st - this stocky chap knew his stuff. But the middle of a rugby pitch is not somewhere you'd expect to find a jockey.

Fortunately his side won, but unfortunately he did not know the winner of the 3.30pm at Haydock and, as a result, I'm forced back to work for a living.

Dubai Corner: five weeks...

Weight loss: going in the right direction

Alcohol: five bottles of larger and three white wines (not good)

Exercise: Two gyms and a league match in the mud

When one should and should not keep quiet

You can't beat a local derby - and a cup battle between neighbours with history that eventually goes into extra-time is something to be savoured.

Even if you're running touch, you cannot afford to take your eye off play or lose concentration. The last thing you as an assistant referee, as touch judges are now referred to, is want to let the referee down.

On Saturday, a Bristol cup derby awaited and, although the sides concerned didn't seem keen on playing the ball past their fly-halves, an intense forward battle took place throughout the 80 (or 100 minutes as it turned out).

Many people do not fully understand or appreciate the roles of assistant referees and on the line you get to hear the crowd's comments a lot clearer than when you're in the middle.

Now's not the place to bore you with the finer points of running the line, but one thing you take responsibility for is comments from the crowd directed at the referee, and if it's bordering on effecting the man in the middle from doing his job properly, you have to step in.

And so a burly gentleman with a cracking Bristol accent felt the wrath of my flag when he decided to prowl the touchline and tell all who cared to listen that the referee wasn't doing his job properly - I'm sure you catch my drift here.

What is funny, though, is just how quiet these people become when you stop the game, turn the spotlight on them and tell them, politely, that should they wish to continue, they will be asked to take residence in the clubhouse, or even further afield.

Said gentleman then decided that he would tone down his comments, promptly apologised and scuttled off behind the barrier - and not a peep was heard from him for the remaining 60 minutes.

Job done. It's just a shame I can't say the same for some of the Bath fans I sat next to during Sunday's Pool 5 clash between Newport Gwent Dragons and Bath at Rodney Parade.
I bit, if not chewed, my tongue sometimes when one or two spouted a load of nonsense at the officials - on this occasion I kept my mouth shut, just like Mr Bristol!

Dubai corner (six weeks and counting):

Weight loss: A bit, but not as much as I'd have liked
Alcohol intake: Four bottles of larger - again, not as much as I'd have liked
Exercise: Two sessions and a touch judging appointment

Frustrated at the frost

It wasn't just Bath coach Steve Meehan who was left frustrated on Saturday after his side's game against Wasps was postponed due to an unplayable pitch.

With practically the entire league programme wiped out, I was left staring at a Saturday afternoon void - and it felt uncomfortable. Shopping was out of the question (pay day some way off), an afternoon in the pub would not help my "fitness regime", so indeed it had to be one thing - training.

I hate it. The monotony of running/jogging around a pitch and then interval training - it just doesn't do it for me. I dug deep, though, and went training at my local club and it has to be said - I quite enjoyed it.

Feeling pleased with my efforts (I had also braved the gym twice last week) I stepped on the scales Sunday morning in confident mood...

... and promptly stepped off them in a bad one.

And so, with less than seven weeks to the 7s World Cup in Dubai to go, I'm upping the anti...

Weight loss: None (an increase in fact)
Alcohol intake: One bottle of wine
Exercise: Two gym visits and club training

This had better make pleasant reading next week.

Flight 123, you are cleared to land, just mind the referee if you could...

Fortunately I was one of the lucky few last week who actually saw some rugby action, although, given the venue of my match (250 miles from cosy Somerset), all around me were convinced it would be under a foot of frost - well, it was "up north".

Thankfully, the drive to Sheffield on the Friday proved fruitful as the game survived the weather and went ahead as planned. And so an hour's drive further north on Saturday morning it was then.

And what a cracker of a match. The hosts appeared dead and buried by half-time and trailed by 30+ points, but there must have been something in those half-time oranges as there was only eight points in it come the final whistle - a great game to be involved with.

Mr Assessor was happy, coaches and players happy, and so a trip to the capital awaits me this Saturday for another National League game, providing, of course, Jack Frost doesn't have the final say.

So, all the good work last weekend will count for nothing unless I produce the goods this weekend. That's just the way it goes. If anyone says refereeing isn't competitive - they're fibbing.

Someone did offer me a great piece of advice, though, ahead of the weekend's fixture:

"The pitch is directly under Heathrow's flight path, so make sure you set your communication kit to the right channel".

Wise words indeed!